Throughout my life I have struggled with food. It recent years I have joked about the “Fatman” that lives inside of me no matter what my weight is. And I have really felt that way at times. I have felt like there is this fat guy inside of me waiting for me to be off my guard so that I can devour everything in sight. The thing is, that this is not far from the truth.
God has taught me in the last two years that my stuggles with food and weight are not about food and weight. They are about me and Him. There is a void in me that can only be filled with Him. I was made to love, serve, and worship Him. When I don’t and look away from Him, there will always be an emptiness inside of me. My way of filling that empty pace is to try to stuff it with food. My human nature (which does not want to look to God) tries to find something to fill that void. Food is my filler. However, food never fills me. I always have to come back for more, and more, and more. I have looked to other things to fill me, too, but food seems to be my “go-to guy.”
Food will never fill me. Only God can. But I can’t turn to God because of my sinful, sorry state. God has to punish sin. I need someone to stand in my place. That is what Jesus dd. He lived a life that I could not live, died the death I deserved to die, took the punishment that I deserved to bare, and was raised again to prove that my death and punishment was paid for and finished. When I accept this, there is a great exchange that happens. Jesus’s life is applied to my life (the Father sees Jesus’ perfect life when he sees me) because my death and punishment was applied to Jesus. This is the heavenly side of things. On the earthly side, when the great exchange happens, my old self dies because it was with Jesus on the cross, and a new life is given to me…a new life that is raised, like Jesus was, from the death of my “old man.”
The thing is, that the old “man” can try to come back (like a zombie or something) and take his place back. That is what happened to me. Over the years, the zombie came back and tried to take over. God convicted me of this. He helped be back to him. He let me see that the Inner Fatman does not need to rule my life. The Inner Fatman is the old me. The new me is a new creation in Christ. I can turn to God. I can trust Him. I can love Him. Even when I fall, I can turn to Him. I do not have to run. The falling was paid for by Christ, too. He just wants me to turn to him.
Well, since I have learned all of this afresh two years ago, the Fatman has been creeping out of his crypt. God has me on the right track again, but I thought I might share my struggles, victories, and lessons here, both to give me added accountability and so others can learn from my failures and successes. I want more than just me to find their place with God and victory over the Inner Fatman (or Fatwoman) that might be in their lives.